Switchblade Love and Muffin Tops

fun story time everybody in the tag gather round

airthatglitters:

so today a miraculous thing happened. our steam wand broke! and our other machine is totally effed up. and no one can get through to the espresso men as i call him (really hot guys come to fix our machines) even though we had an emergency work order and all that jazz and you know what that means…

This literally happened to our store yesterday! And we had a customer do the same damn thing!

This sorta made my night…

I work at a Thruway Starbucks in Upstate NY, we have four other stores besides ours in the rest stop, of all places, and of all people, this happens to me.
 
Me and my 3 other co-workers are working and we are standing near the bar when we hear this cat screech, were looking around thinking that it was either;
A) a baby
B) an actual cat
or
C) a cell phone
 
2 minutes goes by and we hear it again. Now other customers are looking to see if there’s a cat in our store and me and my co-workers are figuring its really a cell phone.
 
I get this customer who comes up to my register and asks for one of our “coffee products” in some weird “Russian” accent, I say this with quotations because I don’t know if I can call his accent Russian, seeing it really wasn’t much of an accent, and I ask him if he wants coffee and he says yes.
 
Then I asked him what size he wanted and he goes “latte”, and I go, “okaaay, what size?”
 
And he just stares at me.
 
I ask again, and he stares at me.
 
So I do the universal hand motion for the sizes and he chooses small.
 
So I ring him up for a small latte, and tell him the price was $3.29.
 
He looks at the price and goes “I don’t have enough.”
 
He was holding a 5 dollar bill.  -_-
 
I tell him he has enough, but he continues to tell me he doesn’t. I’m finally able to take the five from him and give him change.
 
I tell him that the drink is under the lights and he stares at me.
 
"It’s right over there."
 
He stares at me.
 
"It’ll be under the lights." and now I’m pointing in the direction of the drop off counter.

He finally walks over towards the lights, and keeps going to Famiglia’s Famous Pizza. He stands at the register there till a friendly customer brings him his drink. He stares at him and comes back over to the counter.
 
Now, I don’t know what was going on when this happened but, me and one of my co-workers are talking about the cat screech noise we heard earlier and all of a sudden this dude makes the same noise!
 
I start giggling like a school girl when i hear it, because the look on my co-workers face when she saw him make the noise, made my day.
 
He over heard us talking about the noise and then he tells us its a Bavarian wife call. His wife then comes out of nowhere, agreeing, saying he uses it for when he’s lost or needs her.  -_-
 
So then after a couple of minutes of him and his wife at the condiment stand, he looks at me and says “Ok, we leave now…”
 
 
"I love you."
 

Broken Clasps

Your head

Your head

You silly fool

Your head

It has fell down

The clasps that hold it to your neck

Have fallen to the ground

Now you simply look a fool

Running all around

Nothing rest upon your shoulders

Cause your head is on the ground

You kick it like a soccer ball

But your head

It is not round

So it only rolls a few inches

On the wet and soggy ground

Pick it up

Pick it up

Do not leave it laying ‘round

Pick it up

Here’s some tape

To your neck it should be bound

Now its crooked

Tilted so

Your visions askew

You have found

And there are bugs 

In your mouth

From it being on the ground

Hurry up now

Off I say

It is home now we are bound

To clean you up

And fix your neck

So your head again

Does not fall down

ianbrooks:

Chimerical Key Necklaces by Keyper’s Cove

Until I discovered these clandestine artifacts online, I thought keys were mostly for dropping while you fumbled to unlock your door after a late night of binge drinking… I had no idea they could also be used to open mystical wormholes to other realms or the tombs of forgotten heathen deities. Turns out you can wear them too! Why does no one tell me these things. Now if only someone can find the key to my heart. All key necklaces available for purcase at etsy.

Artist: DeviantArt / Website

edwardspoonhands:

reading-thoughts:

edwardspoonhands:

Not Iambic….Do Not Accept…

These tags I’ll pop, and boast in rhyming versethat what I wear puts swagger in my gait;though twenty shillings have I in my purse,my self-esteem and manhood both inflatewhen lofty furs I purchase for a cent.Thy grandpa’s clothes are worthy salvage, thoughthey smell a trifle musty. Still, I spentmuch less to dress myself from head to toe.
To save or not to save? The question’s moot.I’ll never give my coin to high-street crooks.These dusty shelves will yield their hidden lootto those, like me, more frugal in their looks.Like ancient coins washed up on distant shores,I’ll find my treasures in these thrifty stores.      - Macklemore, “Thrift Shoppe”

THERE WE GO!

edwardspoonhands:

reading-thoughts:

edwardspoonhands:

Not Iambic….Do Not Accept…

These tags I’ll pop, and boast in rhyming verse
that what I wear puts swagger in my gait;
though twenty shillings have I in my purse,
my self-esteem and manhood both inflate
when lofty furs I purchase for a cent.
Thy grandpa’s clothes are worthy salvage, though
they smell a trifle musty. Still, I spent
much less to dress myself from head to toe.

To save or not to save? The question’s moot.
I’ll never give my coin to high-street crooks.
These dusty shelves will yield their hidden loot
to those, like me, more frugal in their looks.
Like ancient coins washed up on distant shores,
I’ll find my treasures in these thrifty stores.
     - Macklemore, “Thrift Shoppe”

THERE WE GO!

(Source: humortrain)